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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| of xanga.com/candyflosser. i decided to publicize my secret blogspot,
after about 3 hours of going through it and deleting my much too presonal blogs
and editing away names and what-not.
you can't find me here. goodbye xanga! http://lettersfromarobot.blogspot.com 
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| if you stare from a distance, you see what you want to see
even if you know at the back of your mind, it's just an illusion.
you make yourself belief that you don't know
so that it can protect you from devastating disappointment from the truth.
reality is different than what the glossed up media presents you
and sometimes, life is not as dramatic as people make it seem.
sometimes, it's just a stage you pass through
and sometimes, it's just the beginning for the rest of your life.
when you skip rocks, it's not magic that makes the rocks skim the surface
it's all science, and momentum.
when you stare into his eyes, and he stares into yours,
it's not a moment, it's not fate, it's not timing
it's not even a coincidence, it's a connection that you force unto others and yourself
and hopefully they respond enough to let you believe it's supernatural.
love is a chemical reaction,
the sky isn't really blue
and i am not who i appear to be.
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| can somebody just put me out of my misery.
i'm nauseous 24/7 every second of the day now.
and i'm on this strict ass diet where i can't have:
any meat
any dairy
no fruit
no sour food
no spicy food
no bread/flour foods
no junk food
no sweets
no tea, juice, soda, coffee, or alcohol
no smoking obviously
all that leaves is water, if we're being realistic.
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| i am miserable, last night was horrible
my throat is bleeding and all ripped up
tomorrow i'm going back to the hospital for an endoscope
to see what's really wrong with my stomach.
fml.
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| so it turns out i have GASTRIC INTESTINAL REFLUX DISORDER
as well as my acid reflux. i think they walk hand in hand
except GERD's hand is a bit more severe.
basically i'm at risk for throat cancer so goodbye cig forreals. no more lapses.
i've always wondered why i get the most sick at night
and i usually end up throwing up bile (not stomach acid after all)
and i guess i'm just relieved that i found out what i have.
cuz not knowing made the situation a whole lot worse.
but without health insurance, i doubt i'll be able to afford medication or attention.
i'll just see wussup from here.
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